


Human

by DPKhor



Series: dodie [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 12:34:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16086206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DPKhor/pseuds/DPKhor
Summary: Inspired by dodie's latest release 'Human'Set during the course of Season 2, but the focus is set away from the main storyline up until the end. Mostly revolving around Lena's inner dialogue, and some snippets of conversations.-Lena, in complete honesty, wanted more than just that hour and a half with Kara. The only problem was the four reasons Lena could give you on why it was a problem.Of course, she never counted on there being a fifth reason; Kara was already dating someone else.





	Human

Their lunch dates began as strictly business. It was usually arranged by Jess, with Kara ringing in to set up the appointment. She needed a quote, and Lena only trusted Kara enough to agree to an interview with her.

 

Strictly business.

 

It didn't evade Lena that she was developing an attachment to the reporter. She wouldn't call it an attraction. Not yet, anyway. Lena made sure that the arrangements were always formal. A fancy restaurant, a private room. Kara would conduct an interview at the end of lunch, before thanking Lena for the meal, and for her time, before taking her leave. Lena would smile, nod, and tell her to let her know if she needed anything else. It was a comfortable routine.

 

Strictly business, of course.

 

But when they became friends, Lena couldn't exactly pinpoint. Perhaps they had always been friends, and Lena was just never aware of the fact. Their lunch dates faltered for a bit, as Lena came to grasp the knowledge that Kara had considered her a friend from the beginning. Then, they continued with a greater fervour. With an interview, or without one, they went out for lunch together, complaining to each other about their strifes and struggles  

 

Not so strictly business anymore.

 

As they spent more time together, Lena realised she was developing feelings for the blonde. How could you not? Kara was a walking ray of sunshine. She brought the best out of everyone around her, Lena included. After Lex's attempt at mass murder, Lena found herself at rock bottom, and then some. Kara didn't pull her out of the hole she was trapped in - but she was a representative of the light shining through that reminded Lena of what she was missing in that tiny, damp hole, and it gave Lena the hope to keep climbing.

 

[I wanna pick you up and scoop you out]

 

Flowers. Girls liked flowers don't they? Lena pursed her lips, staring at the bouquet of flowers sitting in a vase on the table. She liked flowers. They were beautiful, and they brightened up her office. Just like Kara. But it would be odd to just send Kara flowers out of the blue. She didn't want to come on too strong. 

 

The perfect opportunity came along, as if by fate's design, and with Jess's assistance, Lena sent a whole bunch of flowers to Kara's office. She wasn't sure what were Kara's favourite kind, so she sent out a whole bunch of different arrangements. And by a whole bunch, she meant she bought out the entire store. She remembered when Kara came by that same evening.

 

"So, my office is overflowing with flowers," Kara brought up, fiddling with her glasses. 

 

Lena feigned confusion. "Really?"

 

Lena managed to keep her expression confused for about 3 seconds before she broke out into a grin, as Kara laughed softly. 

 

"You didn't have to do that."

 

"Yeah, I did."

 

If Lena had a bit more courage, she might've asked Kara out then and there.

 

"Supergirl may have saved my life but Kara Danvers, you..." Lena tilted her head slightly, expression growing more serious. "...are my hero."

 

There were a number of expressions that crossed Kara's face, but the most prevalent was the look of pride that settled on her features. 

 

Lena's words caused a shift in their relationship. Friends to best friends. Kara's visit ended with a hug. Lena never did well with hugs. Handshakes, discomforting nods of acknowledgement, maybe the briefest of half-hugs, she was accustomed to. But Kara had enveloped her in a tight hug that seemed to last longer than it should have. Not that she was complaining, of course. 

 

With any other circumstances, Lena might've rejected the hug. This time, it felt different. Safer, almost. Lena attributed it to Kara's natural ability to make anyone like her. Or maybe she was just a lot deeper in love with her than she initially thought.

 

Either way, when it ended, and when Kara left, Lena felt a whole lot worse than she should have been feeling.

 

[I want the secrets your secrets haven't found]

 

Lena wasn't stupid to be completely ignorant of the fact that Kara had secrets. Everyone had their own secrets, after all, and Lena wasn't the exception. 

 

The first few times Kara had left abruptly with the excuse that there was a family emergency, Lena hadn't doubted it. Eventually, she began to suspect that something was off, and after several offhand comments relating to the ability to fly, Lena realised Kara was Supergirl. In hindsight, she probably should have realised the fact when Clark Kent was with Kara. But, she didn't say anything to Kara. She knew what it was like to have to keep secrets to keep people safe, after all. If Kara wanted to tell her, Lena trusted that she would.

 

For now, Lena was fine with the dynamics of their relationship - friendship - and she was contented. For now. Lunch dates were a common occurrence. Lena would take time out of her busy schedule just to spend that hour and a half listening to Kara's voice, and hearing her laugh.

 

Oh, she was in deep.

 

Lena, in complete honesty, wanted more than just that hour and a half with Kara. The only problem was the four reasons Lena could give you on why it was a problem. 

 

Reason number 1: Lena was a Luthor

 

Now, Kara had told her again and again that she wasn't like Lex and Lillian who had smeared the once-admirable surname with their world domination tactics. It wouldn't change the fact that Lena was a Luthor.

 

Reason number 2: Kara was Supergirl

 

Lena didn't mind the fact, she would tell you, that Kara was a Super. She wasn't filled with the urge to just try and destroy the entire lineage. She admired Supergirl, too, and her penchant for good, so it wasn't really a terrible thing - but referring back to the previous reason, Lena attempting to 'woo' National City's saviour would only cause unnecessary, negative publicity.

 

Reason number 3: Kara wasn't gay

 

She had made it very clear that she wasn't a lesbian. Lena remembered their conversation about past relationships - not that Lena had anything solid, other than Jack, to tell her about. Kara had told her about Adam, then about James. And boy, could she go on about James. Lena never mentioned the casual flings she had - because why would she?

 

Reason number 4: Lena

 

Yep, you got that right. Reason number four is Lena herself. She wasn't a coward, but even Lena recognised the rarity of a friendship like the one she had with Kara. If she asked Kara out and Kara said no, their friendship would take a blow. And it isn't because things will be awkward or anything, no, Lena knows that when Kara says no, it will break her. And the next thing she'll do is burn the bridge herself.

 

Still, Lena was contented with being Kara's best friend. Contented, mind you, not satisfied. 

 

[Will you share your soul with me?

Unzip your skin and let me have a see]

 

Lena opens up to Kara in ways that she has never before. Then again, she never had friends like Kara before. After everything she had told her, Lena was a little hurt that Kara didn't seem to do the same. There were brief mentions of her past with Alex, and even briefer mentions of her growing up. 

 

    There was a part of Lena that wanted to know everything about Kara, on an emotional level. Perhaps you could say it was her curious mind, or her need for closure. But Lena wanted to know - because she felt as if she already knew her. The familiarity that being around Kara brings her is almost addicting. It was almost like they were kindred souls or something - but that might just be her wishful thinking.

 

On her worse nights, Lena poured out her heart and soul to Kara, albeit drunkenly on her couch in her penthouse. She would pour out her deepest fears, deepest regrets; call herself a terrible person. Kara would listen, crinkle on her brow telling Lena that she didn't believe a single word that left her lips. Then she would help tuck Lena in, sitting by her bedside as Lena fought to stay awake. As Lena continued to fight the losing battle, Kara would exhale - and list down every single good thing about Lena that Lena couldn't see. 

 

In a way, she supposed, Lena wanted to be able to do the same for Kara. To reassure her, and tell her that although she was imperfect, she was good. But Kara never seemed to drop the act like she was perfect, like she had everything in her life going according to plan. Or, Lena assumed, she couldn't drop the act. 

 

"I don't remember my mother," Lena confessed, one evening as she leaned against the couch. Kara paused, chewing slowly as she pushed her glasses up, looking at Lena to show her that she had her undivided attention.

 

"I don't know why," Lena forced a laugh. "I should be able to remember her - maybe a few features at least, or a voice, or a smell but I...I just can't. I doubt it could be the trauma - I don't remember much of the accident anyway. I think she was a scientist, too."

 

Kara poked at her food with her chopsticks, pursing her lips. "For the longest time, after I was adopted, I started to forget what my parents looked like - and I was worried that one day I'd wake up and I won't remember. Did my mother have hazel eyes or deep blue eyes?"

 

Lena shifted her legs, turning her body towards Kara. Cracks.

 

"Then, Alex told me they had a ho-...had a whole bunch of pictures of her in storage," Kara cleared her throat, pushing her glasses up again.

 

Another secret, Lena noted.

 

"I'm lucky, I guess," Kara admitted. "My dad was a scientist."

 

Lena's brow quirked. "You never mentioned."

 

Kara shrugged sheepishly. "My mom was judge. Sort of. Justice and all that."

 

Lena managed a smile. "Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

 

Kara only smiled before digging back into her food.

 

[Lean for me, and I'll fall back

You'll fit so nicely, you'll keep me intact]

 

Trust. 

 

Their relationship was built a lot on trust from the get-go. Kara had to trust that Lena was nothing like Lex - and Lena had to trust Kara to judge Lena fairly. With Lena knowing Kara was Supergirl, she also had to trust that Kara wouldn't use her darkest secrets against her if the moment came.

 

Could a relationship like theirs even survive? A foundation of lies, cemented with trust - it was like building a sandcastle on the shore, and expecting the ocean to just pass the structure by. When the time came - when the tide is high, would everything they built for crumble, or will it hold? 

 

It seemed perfect - the idea of Lena and Kara, a Luthor and a Super. Two seeming opposites that, in actuality, bore more similarities than one would care to admit. 

 

"You do trust me, right?"

 

There was a pause - not of hesitation, not of an attempt to think up a lie - but a pause of not fully comprehending the question.

 

"Of course, I do, Lena," Kara raised an eyebrow.

 

Lena swirled her glass carefully, eyes focused on the dark red liquid. Dinner dates were a new thing that was happening. Kara couldn't say no to food, after all.

 

"Good," Lena tilted her head slightly, unsure with how she was supposed to respond. She didn't want to confront Kara about all the secrets she was keeping, not with her own baggage she was shouldering.

 

"Do you trust me?" Kara asked, after a moment.

 

Lena looked up at her, before smiling slightly.

 

"Yes," she nodded. 

 

Kara looked relieved - and guilty, but mostly relieved. Maybe Lena should just come clean about how she felt for her. Kara wasn't going to abandon her, right?

 

[I want to give you your grin

So tell me you can't bear a room that I'm not in]

 

The days passed, hectic as always, but Lena's mind always came back to a certain blonde-haired, blue-eyed reporter. It worried her, a little, that she couldn't stop thinking about Kara. She wanted to give everything to Kara. If she could pay for the world, she would. She was one hundred percent sure that if Kara asked, she would buy all the Chinese restaurants in the area just so Kara can have her potstickers anytime she wanted.

 

It was growing to be an unhealthy obsession and Lena knew it.

 

It was such a horrible feeling, really, wanting to have one person all to yourself. It was selfish, inconsiderate. It objectified Kara in a way that made Lena loathe herself. 

 

And you know what Lena likes to say; when the going gets tough, she opens up a new bottle of bourbon.

 

That was how Kara found her when she came in. Lena sitting with her head in her hands on the couch, bottle half-empty, and it wasn't even noon yet.

 

"Tough day?" 

 

Lena's head shot up, eyes wide. Her mind was a little foggy.

 

"Er, uh, yeah," Lena rubbed her temple. "I'm just stressed."

 

"Have you tried a safer alternative known as water?" 

 

Lena thought Kara was poking fun at her, trying to make her feel worse than she already was. Until Kara set down a glass of water in front of Lena, sitting down on the couch.

 

Lena managed a smile, wrapping her fingers around the glass.

 

"Thank you," she said. "I'll try that next time."

 

Kara suddenly burst out laughing, no doubt at Lena playing along. 

 

It made Lena feel elated, yet empty at the same time. 

 

[Paint me in trust,

I'll be your best friend,

Call me the one, 

This night just can't end]

 

Lena was aware of her thoughts. How she was relying on this false reality to keep her head in the game, how she continued to dump her emotional baggage on Kara's shoulders, even though she swore to herself that she wouldn't do that to Kara. She couldn't seem to stop.

 

Selfish. 

 

Kara never complained. Why would she? Kara was the kind of person who would probably wait eight hours in line, and still come out smiling. 

 

Lena wanted Kara's trust - even if it was fake. She wanted Kara to tell her stories of her past, she needed that trust. They were best friends, after all.

 

Or, well, Lena was one of Kara's many best friends whilst Kara was Lena's only friend. It was almost like she could feel Kara slipping away. Maybe she was starting to get tired of Lena's antics, starting to find her annoying. Their lunches and dinners together grew less frequent, and Lena was freaking out over the possibility of losing Kara.

 

Her therapist had told her she was growing to be too dependent on Kara, that she was developing an attachment that would only drain the both of them. In other words, Lena was becoming a parasite. The doctor also told her that she was pinning every hope on Kara, hoping that she would make them come true - that she could fix all of Lena's problems for her. He said that the situation would wear on both of them, and, very likely, cause irreparable damage to their relationship.

 

So, Lena started working on it. She frequented her therapist's office, and made more of an effort to be a friend to Kara. Not to use her as a crutch.

 

"So, how was your day?"

 

Kara briefly glanced up. "Honestly? It could have been so much better."

 

Lena took a sip of water.

 

"Tell me about it?"

 

Kara smiled slightly before jumping into a story about a faulty printer malfunctioning all over her new shirt. By the end of it, Kara was out of breath, face flushed, while Lena was trying her hardest not to just burst out laughing.

 

Lena could get used to it, hearing Kara rant on a daily basis. It did feel a lot better to be vented to than to vent. She stared hard at her glass of water. She didn't exactly have any liquid courage, but the sudden revelation hit her hard. She wanted to be with Kara.

 

"Kara, I-"

 

The phone rang, cutting Lena off. Kara quickly dug around her bag, pulling out her phone to answer the call.

 

"Right now?"

 

There was a contented grin on her face as she spoke. "Yeah, yeah. I'll be there."

 

She hung up, and Lena hesitated.

 

"Trouble?"

 

"No, actually. Er, my boyfriend is throwing a party at our place," Kara rubbed the back of her neck.

 

Lena recoiled.

 

Boyfriend?

 

Our place?

 

Her heart sank, but she plastered a smile on her face.

 

"You should go," she told Kara. "I mean, you wouldn't want to be late for your own party, right?"

 

Kara laughed softly, and it felt like another stab to the heart.

 

"Thanks for this," Kara gestured to the food spread out on the table.

 

"Hey, thanks for dropping by," Lena shrugged.

 

"Bye."

 

"Bye."

 

There was no hug this time. Kara stood, grabbed her bag and headed for the door.

 

[Oh, I'm so human]

 

The Daxamite invasion was over.

 

Lena was left to fend for herself as people continued to critique her actions. Kara had completely disappeared.

 

Lena didn't blame her. She made the device that forced Kara to say goodbye to her boyfriend. Supergirl was still around, but much too focused on fighting crime than to take the occasional rest stop on Lena's balcony.

 

Lena had tried reaching out to Kara by text. After several consecutive days of no reply, Lena began to falter. She sent a text every week, then every month, until she stopped altogether once she realised Kara was never going to answer her.

 

It's funny how Lena had been so accustomed to being alone before she met Kara. Now, being alone felt so strange. Call her dramatic, but it seemed as though the colours were duller, as though the sun had lost its shine. Lena had wanted Kara. She loved her, and she had lost her before she even had her chance.

 

To want, and to love, and to lose. 

 

As alien as Kara might be, Lena reminded herself Kara grew up as a human, too.

 

[Oh, we're just human]

 

Maybe their paths were parallel - wholly similar, but destined to never intersect.

 

Either way, Lena lost her only friend.


End file.
